Get the Facts About Intimate Partner Sexual Violence

If You’re Here In Crisis Right Now

• If you are in immediate danger, call 9-1-1 or your local emergency services. 

• If you can, move to a safer location (even a bathroom with a lock, a neighbor’s home, or a well-lit public place). 

• If your device may be monitored, try to use a safer phone or computer.

You can also reach RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Hotline for free, confidential support 24/7.

What IPSV Can Look Like

IPSV isn’t limited to forced intercourse. It can include:

• Tech-enabled sexual abuse, such as online harassment, cyberstalking, threatening to create or share intimate images or videos of you without your consent, or other nonconsensual “non-physical sexual events”. (CDC)

• Sexual contact when you do not consent. (CDC)

• Using pressure, manipulation, threats, or intimidation to obtain sex. (CDC)

• Sexual activity when you are asleep or sedated, intoxicated (voluntarily or involuntarily), or otherwise unable to consent. (CDC)

• Reproductive coercion, such as interfering with contraception or pressuring you over pregnancy decisions. (CDC)

Survivors of IPSV Share Their Stories

IPSV & Domestic Abuse Overlap—Often Completely

The Department of Justice describes domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. When a relationship includes domestic violence, sexual abuse is common, as are physical, emotional, economic, psychological, and technological abuse. 

If you’re being isolated, threatened, financially controlled, stalked, or intimidated by a partner, you are experiencing domestic abuse. You are not alone if sexual violence is also part of the pattern.

“Date Rape” Is Rape — Period

“Date rape” is a term people sometimes use when sexual violence is committed by someone the survivor knows—such as a date, romantic interest, friend, or acquaintance. But most experts agree that the term “date rape” tends to minimize the severity of the harm and can shift blame to the victim. 

That’s why it’s essential to reiterate that “date rape” is rape. If someone has a sexual interaction with you without your consent, it does not matter if you knew them, invited them in, flirted with them, went on a date with them, or even consented to sexual activity with them in the past. Without consent, sexual activity is sexual violence.

If alcohol or other substances were involved, that can make the experience feel confusing or easier to dismiss. But intoxication does not equal consent, and the inability to consent is part of how the CDC frames sexual violence.

Relationship Red Flags Often Show Up Early

Sexual violence rarely happens in isolation. It’s often part of a larger pattern of emotional, physical, and psychological abuse. Many survivors report being sexually assaulted by a partner who also controlled their money, isolated them from friends, or physically harmed them.

Warning signs of a potentially abusive partner include someone who:

• Tries to control where you go and who you see

• Gets jealous or angry when you spend time with others

• Insults or belittles you

• Sabotages your job or education

• Withholds money or controls your access to it

• Destroys property or threatens your pets or children

• Tells you no one else will love you

These behaviors may escalate over time. What begins as emotional manipulation can lead to physical and sexual violence.

The Criminal Justice System: Reporting & What To Expect

Some survivors want to report to the police. Some do not. Some aren’t sure. All of those responses are valid.

Here are three things to consider when deciding whether to report IPSV to law enforcement:

• Reporting can create options. Investigations, protective orders, and legal documentation may help with safety planning, including custody challenges involving children.

• Reporting can create risk. Especially if the perpetrator has access to or influence over your home, children, finances, or community, reporting can surface new challenges.

• Reporting systems vary widely by location. Laws, procedures, and survivor supports differ by state and jurisdiction, meaning survivors’ reporting experiences can be positive, negative, and everything in between.

If you’re considering reporting, it can help to talk with an advocate first—someone who can help you understand options, safety planning, and what to expect from your local systems.

RAINN can connect you to confidential support and local resources, 24/7/365.

Supporting a Survivor of IPSV

If someone discloses IPSV to you, your response matters. A supportive response can reduce shame and increase the odds that they seek help.

What helps:

• Believe them.

• Avoid “why” questions that sound like blame (even if you’re trying to understand).

• Offer choices, not pressure. (“Do you want me to sit with you while you call?” “Do you want help making a plan?”)

• Focus on safety. If they still live with the abusive partner, don’t push them to take actions that could increase danger.

If you’re unsure what to say, start simple: “I’m sorry this happened. I’m glad you told me. You didn’t deserve it.”

You’re Worthy of Safety

If a partner used sex to punish you, intimidate you, control you, or ignore your boundaries, you are not to blame. You deserve support that meets you where you are—whether you need help right now, you’re still naming something that happened a long time ago, or you’re supporting someone you love.

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